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Author Topic: Guide to Zen  (Read 933 times)

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Cherry Pie

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Guide to Zen
« on: Aug 18, 2008, 20:27 »
Maharishi Phucknuckels Guide to Zen


 
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.   Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.   Do not walk beside me either,  just p*ss off and leave me alone!
 
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and flat tyre.
 
The darkest hours come just before dawn.   So if you are going to steal your neighbours milk and paper, that's the time to do it.
 
Sex is like air.   It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
 
Don't aspire to become irreplacable.   If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
 
Remember ... no one is listening until you fart.
 
Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
 
Never test the water with both feet.
 
If you think nobody cares whether you are dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
 
Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.   That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
 
If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
 
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.   Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
 
Have you ever lent someone a ten pound note and never seen that person again ... it was probably worth it.
 
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
 
Some days we are the flies ... some days we are the windscreens.
 
Don't worry ... it only seems kinky the first time.
 
Good judgement comes from experience ... experience comes from bad judgement.
 
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
 
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 
There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman ... neither one works.
 
Generally speaking, you aren't learning anything much if your lips are moving.
 
Never miss a chance to shutup.
 
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry and get smacked on our arse.   From then on in, life gets worse.
 
The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
 
Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.
 


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Klendathu

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Re: Guide to Zen
« Reply #1 on: Aug 19, 2008, 09:02 »

Cherry Pie

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Re: Guide to Zen
« Reply #2 on: Aug 19, 2008, 09:06 »
Me too just had to share  :D

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phil7853

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Re: Guide to Zen
« Reply #3 on: Aug 19, 2008, 18:11 »
We can see that you live your life to the Zen Guide  :lol:

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Offline SouthernExPat

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Re: Guide to Zen
« Reply #4 on: Aug 19, 2008, 19:26 »
I posted this a couple of months ago..it's well funny!

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=16337.0
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead...Do not walk in front of me, for I may not Follow...Do not walk beside me...just f*ck off and leave me alone!

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