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Author Topic: something to offend everyone  (Read 690 times)

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Offline Victoria Sponge

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something to offend everyone
« on: Oct 28, 2008, 14:16 »
Tampax are changing their design they are repacing the string with  a piece of tinsel .... This is for the Christmas period only!   


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Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.

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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show me it's true what they say about black men'... So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.


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What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.


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A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'


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What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.


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Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.

Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......

 
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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

'Oi, what's your disability?'

I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off!'


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A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'


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 I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '


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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.


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Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in.

'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!'


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A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother'
 

 


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cat's are cool, dogs drool

Offline SouthernExPat

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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #1 on: Oct 29, 2008, 19:50 »
I loved those!...... Charmingly (un) PC! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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Offline woodstock

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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #2 on: Oct 29, 2008, 22:25 »
yes, some crackers there...

however...! I copied them onto another forum's newly created joke thread - I got called a racist and the thread deleted...  :roll:  :lol:

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Offline Victoria Sponge

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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #3 on: Oct 30, 2008, 07:13 »
yes, some crackers there...

however...! I copied them onto another forum's newly created joke thread - I got called a racist and the thread deleted...  :roll:  :lol:

I'm surprised that they only complained about the racist bits :oops:

Sorry folks but you were warned before hand that the content maybe upsetting to some/all society groups - or did I miss some?

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Offline woodstock

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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #4 on: Oct 30, 2008, 09:17 »
I'm surprised that they only complained about the racist bits :oops:

Sorry folks but you were warned before hand that the content maybe upsetting to some/all society groups - or did I miss some?

I was going to say the makems but then I remembered the bread joke... :D

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Offline Durham Forum

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Re: something to offend everyone
« Reply #5 on: Oct 30, 2008, 10:38 »
I was going to say the makems but then I remembered the bread joke... :D

water ........................ duck's back ..................................... :mrgreen:

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