Advertise Here

Author Topic: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread  (Read 4081 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Credo

  • NSPCC Helpline 0808 800 5000
  • Blatherskite!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,447
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Co Durham
  • Reputation: 12
  • The more people who know the less who suffer
  • Referrals: 1
re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #11 from previous page: Mar 30, 2006, 13:28 »
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0
Visit www.lewybody.org  The more people who know the less who suffer

Please don't confuse my personality with my attitude
My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who I am talking to.

Offline Credo

  • NSPCC Helpline 0808 800 5000
  • Blatherskite!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,447
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Co Durham
  • Reputation: 12
  • The more people who know the less who suffer
  • Referrals: 1
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #12 on: Dec 23, 2008, 21:43 »
Sorry but when I was sent this joke by email I just had to resurrect this thread

Chicken Surprise
 
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise',

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

 Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid  slams back down.

 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

 Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

 The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'


 You're going to love this..................




 You're going to hate yourself for loving this!.............








 'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0
Visit www.lewybody.org  The more people who know the less who suffer

Please don't confuse my personality with my attitude
My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who I am talking to.

Offline Stromboli

  • Dozzle
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,251
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Hunwick
  • Reputation: 16
  • Referrals: 2
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #13 on: Jan 07, 2009, 12:40 »
Went to get some camouflage trousers today. Couldn't find any.

A Bear walks into a bar and says "Can I have a pint of...Lager"
The barman said" What's with the big Paws"

Shakespeare walks into a bar and the landlord said "Out! Yer Bard"

A Dyslexic fella walks into a bra.



Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0

Offline Stromboli

  • Dozzle
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,251
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Hunwick
  • Reputation: 16
  • Referrals: 2
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #14 on: Jan 10, 2009, 23:46 »
By Far the worst joke in the world




a man goes into a bakers shop and asks for a loaf of bread


the baker says

white or brown


the man says


 it do'sent matter i have my bike outside

Really don't get it!

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0

Offline thornbird

  • Bonny Lad
  • **
  • Posts: 143
  • Reputation: 2
  • Referrals: 0
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #15 on: Jan 11, 2009, 17:06 »
By Far the worst joke in the world

i know i am probably going to regret this, but idonr get it either


a man goes into a bakers shop and asks for a loaf of bread


the baker says

white or brown


the man says


 it do'sent matter i have my bike outside

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0

incredabuz

  • Guest
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #16 on: Jan 12, 2009, 17:19 »
it does not make sense
but it went round the factory like wild fire

hence the worst joke

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0

Offline Credo

  • NSPCC Helpline 0808 800 5000
  • Blatherskite!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,447
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Co Durham
  • Reputation: 12
  • The more people who know the less who suffer
  • Referrals: 1
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #17 on: Jan 12, 2009, 17:32 »
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


an elephant walks up to a camel and asks," why do you have two boobs on your back?"
the camel said," thats a strange question coming from someone with a **** on his face."

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0
Visit www.lewybody.org  The more people who know the less who suffer

Please don't confuse my personality with my attitude
My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who I am talking to.

Offline Credo

  • NSPCC Helpline 0808 800 5000
  • Blatherskite!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,447
  • Age: 57
  • Location: Co Durham
  • Reputation: 12
  • The more people who know the less who suffer
  • Referrals: 1
Re: The Worst...Corniest.....Jokes in the Word Thread
« Reply #18 on: Jan 12, 2009, 17:57 »
Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home
from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was

tired and freezing.. Most of the streetlights in the area

were broken, and the silence was only broken by the

occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.



Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......



BUMP........





BUMP........





BUMP........



Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through

the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box

turning into his road.



BUMP........





BUMP........





BUMP........



He froze to the spot, he couldn’t believe his eyes, as the

box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out

its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.



Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down

and started walking briskly home.





BUMP.........





BUMP........





BUMP........



He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking

faster.........



BUMP........BUMP......



BUMP........BUMP..



BUMP........BUMP.......



The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to

jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......

BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...





BUMP.........BUMP...BUMP...





BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...



He started to sprint, but so did the coffin ........





BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.





BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....





BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.





Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was

only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled

out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he

dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot

into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.



Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its

way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock

off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty

hinges as it continued its chase.....



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH....





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking

legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and

locked the door........





BUMP...SCREECH....HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...





BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH....HOP...





BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...





The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and

launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the

bathroom door flew off its hinges.... The coffin stood in

the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified

lad.



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for

his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial

Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came





BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it

.....still it came......



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...



He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it

came.......



BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



With his last desperate throw of the dice, he threw a bottle of

Benylin at it....









The coffin stopped.

Linkback: http://www.northeastforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=8018.0
Visit www.lewybody.org  The more people who know the less who suffer

Please don't confuse my personality with my attitude
My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who I am talking to.

Offline Stromboli

  • Dozzle
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,251
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Hunwick
  • Reputation: 16
  • Referrals: 2

Tags:
 

Powered by EzPortal
Sitemap 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15